A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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