he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
