Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
