Swine flu. Run for my life!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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