I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
