That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
