he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He called his prostate his "boner button".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
