1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
