If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
