wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize