I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
