I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
