I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize