My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize