Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
