Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
