next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
