That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she peed on how many people?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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