Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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