Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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