why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
