Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize