Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
