Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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