You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize