they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
