He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
