I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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