her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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