i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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