I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize