My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
