im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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