party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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