Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
