Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
