if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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