So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
