What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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