how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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