I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
