you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
