This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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