How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
