i already hear my dad disowning me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
