We won't sleep together?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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