Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
