I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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