even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize