She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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