hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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