for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
