The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have feelings that need drinking.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
