I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
