Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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