Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My life is pants optional.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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