i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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