I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
