im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
