I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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