I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize