So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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