i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
