She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
