T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
