He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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