Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
