I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
